The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize