dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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