hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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