I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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