i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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