all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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