Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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