I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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