After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize