Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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