Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
