I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
