I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
