you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
