sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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