I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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