at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
