12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
