Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
