The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
