Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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