god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
