sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I didn't shave. On purpose
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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