ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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