I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
