We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
