How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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