I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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