I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
