I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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