if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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