just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
