There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
