3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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