It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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