By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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