...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
