Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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