Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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