its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i now understand why vodka
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
