you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
