I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
