I never want to see another naked old woman again.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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