You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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