..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
