I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
