i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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