Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
