OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
