i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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