i used baking grease as lip gloss
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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