Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
