There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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