remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize