Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
