I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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