Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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