Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
