Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
