You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
