i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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