WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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