Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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