I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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