And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
