What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
