i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
