My sheets look like a crime scene.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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