just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You ruined the universe
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
