she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
