I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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