You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
