I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
