one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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