It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
